We had our first meeting/homestudy for the Foster to Adopt program. I started this post the day of the meeting. I wanted to talk about my feelings. Almost a week later, I am opening it to find that all I wrote was the title. So, the feelings are pretty big and scary.
I think my biggest fear is doubling my work as a Mom. Two kids? Am I ready for that? Will #2 be as strong-willed and energetic as Luc? Because Luc gives me a lot of grey hairs. On a daily basis. A lot.
Of course, there are the questions about the mental state of a child in the foster system, but we all have our issues. And there are risks in every method of bringing a child home, including bio kids. Plus, there are so many books and resources for fostering that I feel confident that we’ll be able to handle those types of issues. I suppose there is less fear in this area because it’s a type of parenting I am a little more familiar with. I think. Not sure how foster parenting is different from adoptive parenting, but I do know that this area of parenting is dramatically different from bio parenting. Pretty much opposite.
The day of the meeting, I ran around the house like a mad woman. I cleaned and tidied and ordered and fixed. I grocery shopped (Instacart of course!) and prepped food. When you come to my house for dinner, you can tell how nervous I am about having you by how much dessert I provide. This night I had two pies, ice cream sandwiches, cookies, fig newtons, and fruit. For five people.
We met a woman at church through the new Foster/Adoption Ministry that we are all starting. She works for a non-profit that holds the hands and helps parents, like us, who are going through the foster process. So she came over along with the super nice, awesome guy from the agency we are going through. It really helps when the people are so encouraging. And I can’t believe that an agency actually exists to help us through the process, alongside the foster/adoption agency!
They asked Luc how he was feeling about the process. They were gentle and clearly knew how to listen to his replies and conversation. They were glad to see that we have talked about the idea extensively as a family and that Luc is on board, and thinking about the reality of it.
We even walked around the house and did a first check for what needs to be changed or added in order to pass the inspection. Since then, I’ve been on Amazon Prime buying fire extinguishers, first aid kits, a fire ladder, fire place screens, etc. If only they did these inspections for birth children. So helpful! I even had to buy a drawer organizer for my knives b/c they have to be locked up.
The next step is an hours long psychological review with a clinical psychologist. We would be able to get on that right away, but for a small hiccup that will cost us about two weeks.
About four years ago, someone reported me to DCFS for parenting my son “aggressively.” I have since learned that the majority of foster and adoptive parents have been accused like I was. The problem is that even though my case was ruled “unfounded,” it remains on my record for all eternity. Even though “unfounded” means it was baseless and never should have been reported in the first place. It was a horrific experience. And it is the gift that keeps on giving.
Our process will resume in a few weeks I guess. I’m using the time to buy the supplies I need and fix the stuff that needs to be fixed.
I’m excited. I think. Nervous and excited.